At the end of August I decided to take a week off — from my work, my family, my wife, from everything – and I headed into the woods.  I hiked the Appalachian Trail for five days, alone.  A lot was happening in my life, and I wanted to get away, get some perspective…  I’d had my head buried in my work for months, while my personal life was spiraling into very strange waters; and I didn’t really know how I felt about it.  I needed to figure out where I was, and where I was going.

Well, it didn’t really work.

During the day I walked myself to exhaustion.  In the evenings I meditated, and I got pretty much the same message I’ve been getting for months — “Figure out what you want, and then get it.”  My guides essentially assured me that everything was fine.  I got rather more information from my Tarot cards, but of necessity the information was vague.  In any case I was deeply unprepared for what was waiting for me when I got back to civilization.

There are problems in my marriage — deep problems that have been building for years.  Some problems I knew about, but didn’t realize how bad they really were.  Other problems I was totally in the dark about.

Why didn’t I see this in meditation?  Why didn’t my guides warn me?

I spoke with Slade a few days ago, and he helped me see why.  I didn’t want to know. I had been telling them — for months — subconsciously — that  I didn’t want to know anything bad about my marriage.  I was too buried in work to deal with it.  And at a very deep level, I did know something was wrong, but I didn’t want to deal with it.  Let me focus on this, I prayed to them.  Don’t make me face it. Consciously, of course, I was asking for the information.  But really I was turning a deaf ear.

And so I was completely in the dark…  Until my wife set me straight.

As Slade says, we are all guides for each other…  My wife wouldn’t let me turn away.

How can I keep this from happening again?  How can I make sure I’m not subconsciously shutting out some other vital information?

I don’t know.

Somehow…  I must work harder to make the subconscious conscious.